Question:
how can i show affection with out sexual activity?
Asked by: hj,
Answer: What a great question! There are plenty of ways to show affection without sexual activity. A lot of times we show affection physically because it's the only way we know how, but non-physical ways to show affection are often times even more meaningful. You could write a love note, give a gift, plan a fun date, make your sweetie's favorite meal, make a card, make them a cd with their favorite songs on it, help them out when they need it, or tell them how you feel. The list could go on and on!
All
Questions
about Setting Limits
Does Abstinence also go for the homosexual community ? Like an a woman and woman have a sexual intercourse ? Would that still be concidered. ?
Asked by: A.J.B,
Answer: Abstinence is a choice that anyone can make at any time. It doesn't matter what a person's sexual preference might be or even if they've chosen to be involved in sexual activity in the past. Most communities agree that when it comes to sexual activity, it's realy the only 100% way of protecting one's self from the risks that are both physical and emotional.
Hope that answers your question. Thanks for asking!
Do you really have to wait to have sex until you're married? Is it against the law to have sex before that?
Asked by: T C, Lawrence, MA
Answer: Thanks for your question, TC. On this site we talk about how the healthiest choice is to wait until you're in a faithful, lifelong relationship (like marriage) to have sex. Before that, there are risks like STDs, unintended pregnancy, and intense emotions that can make it hard when the relationship ends.
There are some laws related to sex with teenagers. In Masssachusetts, sexual touching with someone under the age of 14 is against the law. Sexual intercourse (including oral sex) with someone under the age of 16 is against the law, even if both people agree.
Hope this answers your questions!
Does rubbing in privite areas with clothes on affect anything bad?
Asked by: M.A, Everett,Ma
Answer: Rubbing in private areas with your clothes on cannot spread disease, however it's definitely going to make it harder to cool things down and not go further! (like taking your clothes off, which would put you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases).
Check out the limits section of our site below for ideas about how to make sure you don't go further than is safe or than you want to.
If your boyfriend asks you if you are ready to have sex, what should you do? Break up with him or try to work things out?
Asked by: A.D, lawrence, massachusetts
Answer: It sounds like you don't want to have sex with him, which is certainly the healthiest choice for you physically and emotionally. It can be really hard, though, when one person wants a more physical relationship than the other. Sometimes it feels too hard to work through, and you might decide it's easier or better to break up. If you do decide to stay with him, you need to make sure you are clear about your limits and that you don't let him pressure you into doing something you don't want. Regret never feels good! Check out the information below for some skills to help you resist pressure.
Is oral sex dangerous? My boyfriend wants me to perform it but I don't want to do anything that's not safe.
Asked by: L.E.W, Boston Ma
Answer: Oral sex does have risks. While you cannot get pregnant through oral sex, it puts you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases, all of which can be spread through oral sex. Oral sex or any other kind of sexual activity can create a strong emotional bond between people, which can make breaking up especially painful and hard to get over. Also remember that if your boyfriend really likes you, he'll like you regardless of whether you have oral sex with him or not. If he respects you, he'll respect your decision not to do something you're uncomfortable with or that could put you at risk.
I had a friend in high school whose boyfriend was always pressuring her to give him oral sex. Afterwards, she often felt used. To this day she regrets doing something that she didn't want to do in the first place. She wished she had someone to talk to, because she didn't know the risks involved. Many girls don't.
There are so many more meaningful ways to show your boyfriend that you care about him. For some ideas, you can go to the Great Date page on our website.
Is it dangerous to have sex?
Asked by: AD, Dorchester Mass
Answer: Well, that depends on what you mean. Sex by itself is not dangerous, and can be a wonderful part of a lifelong relationship with just one person, like marriage. But sex outside that kind of relationship is risky, because one person could infect the other with an STD that they got from a previous relationship (usually without even knowing it!) That would probably count as "dangerous", especially if it's an infection that doesn't go away, or that doesn't get treated and leads to bigger problems like not being able to have children.
But remember, you can avoid the risks associated with sex by choosing to wait for sex until you're in a faithful, lifelong relationship!
Why should I wait to have sex until I am married?
Asked by: ia,
Answer: I'm glad you're asking this question!
People have lots of different reasons for deciding to wait until they are in a faithful (just between you two), lifelong (forever) relationship like marriage to have sex. The main health reasons are to be protected from sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancy, and the emotional heartache that can come from having sex with someone outside of a permanent relationship once the relationship ends. Some people also have religious or moral reasons for deciding to wait, or want to stay focused on their life goals and not be distracted by a sexual relationship. Still others feel it will be more special if it's just with one person for life, or want to make sure their mind is clear of memories of past relationships so they aren't thinking about someone else when they're having sex with their spouse.
Whatever the reasons, choosing to wait for sex is a healthy decision, and one that people rarely regret!
I have never had sex and I want to abstain until I’m married. What do you think I should do to continue not having sex?
Asked by: PL, Taunton, MA
Answer: I'm glad you are thinking now about how to stick with your decision to wait. Some suggestions:
- Choose your friends carefully— friends who support your decision and can help you through relationship choices will be a lot more helpful than friends who might not respect your choices.
- Avoid situations where you might be more likely to compromise your limits, like maybe being alone with your partner late at night or going to parties where people are drinking.
- When you start a new dating relationship, talk to your partner about your intentions and set expectations and limits for your relationship early on.
There are lots of other resources on this website that should help you. Look around!
Why do so many teens think having sex outside of marriage and getting real physical is cool and mature?
Asked by: GP,
Answer: Maybe because that's what most things around them (TV, movies, advertising, magazines, etc.) are telling them... we live in a very sex-saturated society, and most of the messages are about how everyone is having lots of sex, how to have more if you're not, or how to have it better. There's very little attention given to teenagers (or adults for that matter!) who are making the decision to put off the physical until they're sure they're ready and it's safe- in a faithful, lifelong relationship. Good for you for asking tough questions and being willing to take a stand!
Is it bad if your boyfriend hit you but it was only once when he was under the influence and he apologized?
Asked by: j,
Answer: Hitting or even threats of physical violence are never okay. Alcohol and drugs can bring out the worst in people, but they don't bring out things that aren't already there. If your boyfriend has hit you once, unfortunately, he's likely to hit you again. And usually abuse gets worse (more severe), not better.
Your boyfriend may be sincerely sorry for what he did, but that doesn't mean it won't happen again. It's very common for people who abuse others to be good at apologizing. He needs to get help, and you need to protect yourself from further harm. If you haven't yet, find a trusted adult you can tell about what happened. And check out the fact sheet below.
Why do many girls feel intimidated to give in?
Asked by: ch, boston, ma
Answer: There are about as many answers for that question as there are girls in the world. That is to say, it is different for each individual girl. However, some of the most frequent reasons are our of fear of losing their significant other. Another reason may be to positively affect their image in school. Another reason that is also unfortunate is out of fear of being hurt if they don't comply. This is called abuse and is wrong and illegal. If you know of anyone that has been forced into sex, it is very important for you to tell a trusted adult. It is also important for guys and girls, no matter what the reason may be to want to give it, to be firm in the boundaries that we set for ourselves.
Is there something more than kissing, but less than sex, and if there is what is it?
Asked by: Anonymous, Lowell,MA
Answer: People show their boy/girlfriends that they care in lots of different ways- some of these are physical, but there are so many other ways! You could tell the person, write them a card or a song, do something special for them like make them brownies, buy them a thoughtful gift, or compliment them. Affection isn't really about "how far" you can or should go, but about what feels right for you at your age and in your relationship, and especially what protects your heart and your body. Remember that any kind of private area contact is sexual activity, and has risks like STDs, heartache and regret.
After looking at possible consequences, I have decided to abstain until I am married. Are there any medical side effects if a young male doesn't ejaculate? I have been told it will cause prostate cancer but am not sure about this.
Asked by: kk, Derry, NH
Answer: Good for you for deciding to wait to have sex- this is the healthiest choice you can make! Your question probably originates from an old myth about the 'risks of not ejaculating'. The truth is, when a male goes for a long time producing sperm without ejaculation, the body has its own way of releasing them to make room for new sperm. It's called "nocturnal emissions"; this is the technical term for what most of us call "wet dreams".
There have been some recent studies looking at whether there is an increased risk of getting prostate cancer due to men ejaculating more or less frequently- but the research isn't clear on how or even if there is a connection. And the health benefits from abstaining most certainly outweigh any possible (and if so, slight) risk increase there might be!
Is having oral sex worse than having real sex?
Asked by: S.E.G., taunton ,Mass
Answer: I’m glad you asked. Oral sex has been getting a lot of attention lately, and lots of teens have questions about it.
Both oral sex and vaginal sex have similar risks associated with them. You can't pregnant from oral sex, but all the other risks of sex outside of a faithful, lifelong relationship are still the same, like STDs and emotional impact (heartbreak or regret, for example). All sex, whether oral or vaginal, is best left out of a relationship until marriage, which is the only way to be 100% protected against these risks.
I keep on feeling like i want to have sex and everytime i get a chance with a boy to go out with him i get really shy and dump him. what should i do and what is this feelin? i'm 12.
Asked by: am, dorchester, ma
Answer: It's normal to have sexual feelings at your age- it's part of growing up. There's nothing wrong with having feelings, but it's important you learn how to handle them in a healthy way that protects your heart and body. Sex comes with a lot of risks that could change your life forever, like pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. You should also know that sex and even sexual touching is against the law at your age.
Take your time to get to know the guys you are interested in and don't rush into anything. Most girls who have sex at your age end up wishing that they had waited. You don't want to do something that you might regret later. Enjoy your friends and have fun getting to know them...leave the serious stuff for later, there will be plenty of time for more serious relationships in the future.
